byjove | week 4 | post-trial

[Undine will just.

Slip into the spot across from him.]

I like girls.

[YEP LET'S OPEN THE CONVERSATION WITH THAT since talking about the gay is easier than talking about murders.]

[(':

Hermann is confused for a second as to why she's telling him this, but then it clicks.]

Ah. I... see. [Boy what a totally non-awkward conversation this is about to be.]

For what it's worth, I'm not embarrassed because we're both men. The people around us probably couldn't care less, and I don't have very many bridges left to burn in the first place.

Good. Because I thought that's why you were being so awkward about it, and I was going to give you some huge lecture about not listening to people who would give you grief about it.

[She. May have had that told to herself a few times in the past too.]

[He sighs.]

Well, if it had been, I suppose I may have appreciated the talk. That's a very brave thing for someone your age.

[He... thinks??? He was way more awkward about this stuff as a kid so.]

But most of the issue isn't our genders, it's just... who we are as people.

As...scientists?

[Are scientists not allowed to love in your world, Hermann?]

What? No.

[???]

As people who don't get along. As people who see the world differently. You've watched us, we fight constantly.

[Look she's heard weirder things.]

Oh! Well at least that's a problem that can be dealt with. It's not easy, to handle personality clashes. But if you care about him, and he cares about you, then it can be done.

[Hermann snorts.]

Can it be dealt with? I mean, we are already dead, after all.

[Oops, too somber. He clears his throat.]

Anyway, it's the second part that's the problem.

That's all the more reason to deal with it now, isn't it? If you're both revived, then it's all set and you don't have to talk about it then. If you get erased, you wouldn't want to have that weighing on your mind. And if you make it to the end but don't get picked to be revived, you'd want to make the most of these few weeks here.

Plus, there's options anyway, if you survive to the end.

I... wish it were that simple.

[He sighs again.]

After what came out at the trial, we'll have to deal with it in some capacity, I'm sure. But... It's over a decade of whatever this is. I don't know if I can sort out my own feelings in time.

[Speaking of which:]

And as much as I hate to admit it, I think our time here may now be limited.

[Ah, right. The trial.]

...

Was it true? What Monika said.

[They're in private now, so maybe that will be enough for him to speak honestly.]

[Hermann gives her a long look.]

... I thought you said you didn't think we were capable of such things.

[But that wasn't the question.]

Parts of it probably were.

I don't believe you would torture someone for information. But we didn't have all the facts, did we? We didn't figure out what actually happened.

[She doesn't want to believe that Hermann, the man who reminds Undine of her own father, is someone who would torture and brutally murder a person. So if he was involved, something else had to have happened. And she wants to know what.]

[Hermann is silent for a long moment. Too long, actually. It sort of makes the decision for him. But he can't stand the thought that she might still think he did the things Monika described, that she might still think he's a monster. Somehow, in this moment, clearing up that doubt comes before self-preservation.]

You figured out a great deal of it. You already know I didn't kill him, so there's no use lying about that. We worked together. But he wasn't tortured, I promise you. The fingers- [His eyes go straight to the table.]

It was for the ring. His psych item. He would've killed us otherwise, and he almost did even without it. But sodium thiopentol is an anesthetic. We overdosed him on purpose. He didn't feel it. At the end.

[So... there's that... Hermann is distinctly not looking up.]

[Yeah, two nerds against someone like Jacopo? She figured it would have been a struggle.

She also knew that they had done it already. Newt crumbled a lot faster than Hermann did. So she already has the story, more or less, but she wants to hear Hermann's side of it.]

Why did you do it, though? Because he was a reaper?

[No judgement, she's just listening here.]

[Unsurprising, Hermann would say. Of course Newt folded first. It's why he took the polygraph himself.]

We chose him because he was a Reaper, yes. But our reasons are... Well, we were told to eliminate the Reapers. That regardless of faction, they posed a threat to all players. Mechanically speaking, there isn't a difference to us.

[He hesitates on the next part, because it's... maybe a bit selfish. Or the opposite of that? It's both.]

There is a reward, too. For a successful Erasure, and for not getting caught. We used it to send a message home, with information that our world's future depends on. We might well pull this off and win the game, but I couldn't take the chance that the rest of humanity would die with us.

[Ironically it's the first part that upsets Undine more than the second, so it's probably better that he said things in the order he did. She can focus on that part for now.]

So you took out a reaper, and you used your reward to save your world. I don't think anyone would fault you for doing it that way, at least. Saving an entire world, that's a pretty big burden to carry. I'm glad you two were able to take care of that much, at least.

[....Hermann will find out the rest if he talks with Newt anyway, since she carelessly spoke too much in a fit of emotion. Perhaps telling him on her own terms will help keep anything terrible from happening.]

I was a bit more selfish with mine. Instead of saving a whole world, I saved just one person.

[Hermann's head snaps up.]

You did-? Who? How?

[It takes him only a second to think of the one person whose murder they never solved.]

... Chuuya?

[She just. Smiles sadly.]

He was trying to kill my friend, and when I stepped in to talk him down he turned his knife on me instead.

Not that it justifies it, but...well, you told me what happened with you, so it seemed fair to share.

Justice is... subjective.

[Had someone been trying to kill Newt, Hermann would've done the same in a heartbeat. As a matter of fact, he's already making plans in case of that possibility.]

But then... you were already awake in order to witness this. Undine, are you-?

[Hmm.]

Let me be clear. I've come to believe that our decision to hunt Reapers was a poor one. The information we got from Jacopo and what Sekreuz revealed to us has led me to that conclusion. If your answer is yes, it won't change my opinion of you, nor will it put you in danger from myself or from Newton.

[They're out of the hunting business, as it were.]

But... if you are a Reaper, I would like to know. So that we can protect you.

[Which sounds hypocritical coming from him, but you know.]

[Undine shakes her head in response to Hermann's question.]

I'm pretty sure it's against the game rules for Reapers to tell Players about their roles, under pain of erasure. Otherwise Reapers might just go around blabbing their role to anyone and causing a lot of trouble within the game.

Besides, it's not relevant here anyway. My friend was worried about being targeted, so I asked for special permission to stay awake with him, should he be forced awake for any reason that night. It was more to put his mind at ease, I didn't expect anyone to actually try and attack him. But he ended up being right anyway.

[So, there's that explanation at least.]

[So if she is a Reaper, she can't just say so. Hmm.]

Who did you ask for this permission? I don't mean to question your story, I just meant that, well. We have made enemies, it seems. It would be convenient if we could do the same.

... Why did your friend think he would be targeted?

[Yeah it's a real catch-22 there.]

I asked the Conductor. Max has been delivering letters to them for me each week. I have been trying to find out more about the game, and the Composer was less than helpful. So I went to the Conductor instead. My most recent correspondence with the Conductor included that question.

And I didn't really ask him, because I thought it was just paranoia on his side. He's kind but...a little jumpy.

[Hmm.]

We can contact the Conductor as well?

[Looks like he'll find out for sure on Monday lololol]

What else have you learned about the game?

I don't see why not? Just write a letter and give it to Max.

[Or wait until Monday lol.]

Most of what I was doing was checking to see if the information in those letters is true. As far as I've found out, yes, it is.

The most important thing is that we're all being judged right now. Everything we do, the choices we make? It all matters. The Composer is looking for something specific, though so far nobody has been able to tell me what that specific thing is. If had to guess, though? It's something about trust and cooperation.

[Hence why she's talking to Hermann and being honest instead of planning revenge or some BS like that.]

The reapers aren't the 'bad guys', even. They're more like...referees, I guess? Beyond the rules they need to follow to not get erased, they're not particularly evil or anything. Well...in general. There's always variations based on personality? But they're not SUPPOSED to wipe us all out or anything. They're supposed to help the Composer see what kind of people the Players are.

I suppose I'll try that, yes.

[And spoiler alert, he did. Will? Whatever.]

I doubt they're going to tell us the exact criteria. That might defeat the purpose. It's like taking a test; of course you'll pass if you can study, but it's not really a measure of your intelligence, just your memorization skills.

[Of course he'd relate it back to nerdy shit.]

Junko Enoshima was definitely what you might call evil, but I don't think the others are, necessarily. They have a role to play, just as we do. I don't hold anything personal against them.

[He never did, to be honest. Jacopo was a calculated decision, not a grudge.]

And it sounds like keeping some of them alive is the only way to ensure everyone is saved.

Tests normally have study guides though.

[She says that in a joking tone, before she gets sad again.]

Junko was...a product of her environment, to put it gently.

[Thank fuck for those last-minute conversations before she hella died, they gave Undine a bit more perspective on her.]

It doesn't excuse what she did, but it makes it more tragic. She never had the chance to be normal.

[Ah...]

That is... unfortunate. But I suppose it goes to prove that we can never really know another person's circumstances, can we?

[She's right though, doesn't excuse anything.]

week 4 | post-trial | undine

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